Uncertainty
TALULA BOYFRIEND SHIRT, H&M LACE BRA, CURRENT/ELLIOTT DENIM SHORTS, ALEXANDER WANG SHOES, URBAN OUTFITTERS HAT, CC SKYE BRACELETS, CHANEL BAG
I might regret writing this later on, but I'm more fragile than I care or want to admit. For the most part, I portray myself as this incredibly strong, steady young woman. In reality, I'm an injured soul with a thorn in my heart. I go about my life and keep myself occupied. It does good most of the time; a positive attitude works wonders. Still, I'm endlessly plagued by this feeling of incompleteness. I wander blindly, cold and inhibited, searching for something, anything. I'm pretty sure this is what they call a nervous breakdown.
Who am I? What should I do with my life? These sort of questions haunt me. I know this is all part of being in your 20s, but that doesn't stop me from feeling lost. I thought I wanted to do something in fashion (hence the name of my blog). I was jumping from one job to another; same shit, different pile. Then I realized sometimes, I don't even give a fuck about fashion. Vogue is not my bible, models are not my idols and I'm not up to date on the latest trends. I hate the word "trends." Don't get me started on those how to articles. All of a sudden these people are experts on wearing double denim or socks with heels... as if.
At the same time, I don't know what else to do. I don't know what else I can do. I also don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just thinking out loud. In a strange way, there's comfort in complete strangers reading my thoughts. Maybe someone will understand through the glimpse of my words.
PHOTOS BY NANCY OF TELL ME TO SHUT UP
XOXO,
Who am I? What should I do with my life? These sort of questions haunt me. I know this is all part of being in your 20s, but that doesn't stop me from feeling lost. I thought I wanted to do something in fashion (hence the name of my blog). I was jumping from one job to another; same shit, different pile. Then I realized sometimes, I don't even give a fuck about fashion. Vogue is not my bible, models are not my idols and I'm not up to date on the latest trends. I hate the word "trends." Don't get me started on those how to articles. All of a sudden these people are experts on wearing double denim or socks with heels... as if.
At the same time, I don't know what else to do. I don't know what else I can do. I also don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just thinking out loud. In a strange way, there's comfort in complete strangers reading my thoughts. Maybe someone will understand through the glimpse of my words.
PHOTOS BY NANCY OF TELL ME TO SHUT UP
XOXO,
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73 comments:
you look really adorable! love your heels.
X
1) you have great legs
2) I know exactly where you're coming from and have been feeling the same way lately about fashion and about the future. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
xx
♥ you girl! that's all i can say. stay strong and heads up :) see you soon :)
This kind of disclosure is what makes blog junkies of us all. Connection. It's what we're all craving behind our laptop screens.
I've been uncertain all my life. I think that's just the nature of life though. It's complex and arbitrary so do what with you want with that. You can either choose to find some personal conviction somewhere and hope it sticks or float around forever searching for something you may never find, but enjoy the journey and all it brings.
Love ur heels AW (L) !! I feel the same way I'm 20 and I don't know what to do... with my life but I want to be happy and thank God I am:)
L.xx
Don't be afraid to be your true authentic self. F*** what everyone else thinks, and those who don't get it!!
Cute pics, love your heels!
I can relate to your feelings about fashion... sometimes you saturate yourself in it and get to the point you feel like saying "Hang on - they're just clothes, right?!"
Still, gotta say it ... you have pretty spectacular legs.
I think i know how you feel! Most of the people think I'm a strong woman but If you really know me then you know that isn't true most of the time! I came from a long way to feel how I'm now!
And further I think positivity is the medicine for everything! Haha I'm happy my name is Joy!;)
i struggle with the shallow parts of the fashion industry too. but then i remember that no entire sector or industry can be bullshit free- there are always going to be people that bring things down to the lowest denominator and cheapen it all.
It's what intrigues me about fashion probably- the paradox. In some ways it's seen in the same way art and architecture are, and its links with female emancipation is fascinating. But then of course you get the superficial side- the disposable trends, the body image issues, the working conditions for the people in the developing world actually making the clothes.
Life is made up of paradoxes!
Is It So Wrong For Me To Love This Bag This Much?
Following Your Blog!
StyleNonsense.blogspot.com
girlfriend.
don't lose yourself.
stop giving a fuck what other people think.
remember who YOU are and what makes YOU happy.
don't fall into the "fashion" trap, you'll get sucked in deep and forget your individuality.
remember, you can still look stylish and beautiful, but its how you feel on the inside that really shines through...
xoxo
You look great as usual :)
Don't everybody has phases in their life where they feel like that :)
http://tugbaseckin.blogspot.com/
http://tugbaseckin.blogspot.com/
HELLO LOVE UR CHANEL BAG N LOVE THE OUT FIT WWW.FASHIONLIFE-PEGGY.BLOGSPOT.COM
I know exactly what you mean. Trying to find purpose/happiness/all that bullshit, and still be a likable human. It's draining. Fashion as identity, medication; it's everything and yet it's nothing. I think we're a lot alike.
i understand exactly where you are coming from even though I love dressing up and down and the idea of blogging I just cannot stomach the idea of fashion as a career for myself which surprises a lot of ppl around me. Fashion can only be my hobby and past time, besides I do not want fashion to become so important that my wellbeing depends on it.
I felt like that ,for a very long time. Long nights spent lying in agony, trying to decide what to do ; who to be. I actually scrolled through a long list of things to study at the local university trying to find something that would fit me.
"Hmmm....medical school? YES! Oh no wait, I hate needles"
It was totally pathetic.
So one day I decided to just let it all go. I got a job that I liked and I could stand to be in for a while and just literally stopped thinking about it. And I feel so much better. Wow, what a relief!
And I feel positive about the future. And the answers will come. You just have to be step back and wait until you see the big picture.
It feels nice now. One day I will wake up and you will wake up and everybody else as well as well and know EXACTLY who we are and what we want to be. Until then I guess we'll just have to relax and well...enjoy it.
After reading you post, just tought! You need to take vacations. Some time "off" , of everything you know , an adventure in Europe for example, would be "marvellous" exciting# and new, the ideia of meet new people and be in new places that you don´t have any kind of memories good or bad of completely anything.
A laugh in your other post about seat outiside alone looking the car go by...
Okay!
I think you should see :
EAT , PRAY AND LOVE .
NOT EAT SHOP AND NO LOVE.
But in reality ,what we all need is a real passion, but not a love, a passion.
Kiss
If I'm feeling that way there's only one thing that helps me:
A GOOD FUCK!
i totally understand i am the same too! i love fashion and makeup but i have a degree in teaching and about to get one in accounting i also want to have a wedding planning business including baking the cake lmao i dont know where i will end up with my career
xoxo hautedolleyes.blogspot.com
first off i love the fray - absolutely love them. (as well as keane, onerepublic, and kings of leon) they're music always manages to make me cry! ALWAYS
ok secondly - i feel the same exact way. this may be tmi or maybe just stuff i don't want revealed out there on the interweb, but fuck it. i graduated college in 08 and was unemployed for all of 09. i was depressed and completely broken in my spirits. i've been employed as a temp, and have yet to find satisfaction. i just feel stuck and i dont get it. im getting teary eyed writing this.
anyways - you've got a ca girl who can empathize with you.
KeepItFvncy,
M.E.
You're a beautiful and eloquent writer, maybe that is something to think about? Something like that sure as hell doesn't come to everyone.
We love your sense of fashion!
and your louboutin heels on the previous post!
Cheers, B & Liv
www.blivbook.blogspot.com
B L I V B O O K : darling&diva ♥
I'm in fashion ... I went to Parsons and did my thing. I quote you "Vogue is not my bible, models are not my idols and I'm not up to date on the latest trends." Yet I know fashion is what I do, but I still do me .. which you do so well. You're such a character and I enjoy you and your blog so much <3 I hope great things happen for ya.
-INKED
Love those wang shoes! Great ensemble. xo
hALCOHOLIC.COM
it IS about your 20s. i'm only a year older than you but have been wildly impressed with your poise and confidence and strength. actually, you seem rather intimidating, so to see this glimpse of softness is... sort of refreshing. not having a solid idea of where you're going is totally normal. i think this goes far beyond the 20s though. people in their 40s and 50s are still searching for themselves, trying to find something to root them, to anchor them and bring them complete happiness and peace. i think all that comes from a varied life. your interest in fashion was a part of your life, and still is. perhaps your future will not be in fashion, but you will still take great pride in collecting and wearing beautiful things. and that's actually wonderful. when you're 70, you can say, i went from pushing gucci to...well, i dunno...beekeeping. it doesn't matter. YOU have to root out what makes YOU feel happy and what makes YOU feel complete and satisfied. and that thing could change annually. roll with it. use this uncertainty to your advantage. explore. and through it all, give yourself all that you need. we're here cheering for you. :) thanks so much for sharing such intimacy with us.
--your fellow lost soul, pennerad
I understand! These written words could be from me.
xoxo Sandra
http://glamirrorous.com
Hunnie, I love what happens when you open up. Smile more, laugh more and be happy. Keep my suggestions in mind. It will be so so so awesome. Hugs and kisses!
life is strange and sometimes we only appreciate the good stuff when its too late. You are young & pretty, go conquer the world and don't let others tell you you can't.
I am loving your look!
Catita
http://catindreamland.blogspot.com/
Wow, its nice to know that its okay to not give a f*ck about fashion, cause sometimes I really don't give a damn and feel like there are more important things. All I have to say is be who you think you are and in the end you'll most likely find who you really are by what you're not -some deep shit.
BTW -lovin the bag!
I try not to ask myself those awful serious questions because it makes you think too much instead of enjoying whats being thrown at you.
You are a beauty with knoct out style and have lots of brains, things can only get better
Rianna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just want to say, you should never regret what you say or write, it is the best way to cope with your problem and thoughts.
I have battle with depression for years and have and still in search of who I am truly. In constant search of happiness, you shop thinking it will make you happy and fill that gapping hole, but realize later that it only feed that hole.
I'm close to my thirties and still feel like a failure, lost, confused and sometimes think other people thinks the same. one thing I learned recently is that I like fashion but take out the bullshit out of it.
We are raised in a society that make us believe that we are suppose to follow a path and if we don't we are failing!
All I can is that it only gets easier the day you decide to say F**ck it to all of this and start caring about what you want and feel. I sound selfish but for me it's my path to recovery.
You are not alone!
wow im so impressed by your honesty. lately i feel just the same, i always thought i wanted to do smt with fashion too but I honestly don't see myself giving a shit about fabric when im 'old'..
but writing, discussing and just thinking about these questions really helped me with understanding "indeed im not alone" i guess every gawlwho does think for herself struggles with it.
i think youre beautifulll inside and out!
You look amazing! And I totally understand where you're coming from - I'm feeling completely unsure of the direction I should take with my life right now. Here's to figuring out what we want to do with our lives!
you took the words right out of my mouth!
would you do a post of your bag collection sometime? I'd love to see it!
Jacquelyn
I myself is in the same position as you...went to school for fashion but find myself feeling restless with the same old routine and goin through the whole self discovry bit and tryin to figure it all out..ur not alone!
hey lily,
what you wrote is exactly how i feel..or at least i can somewhat relate to. i am always trying to find answers to "what should i do with my life...", but only to come up with shitty answers "i don't know what to do"..
and while most people party and socialize in their 20s...i find this stage to be pretty lonely. o well, hey, "experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted".
<3 this post.
OMG dear! You're the coolest blogger! Amazing hat!
I have the same Chanel bag!
www.abitoffashion.com
Thank you, I was JUST writing this to a friend of mine who also went to UBC but is now back in Seoul telling me about her anxiety as well over there.
I may work as a model but it's only a means to an end, though at the same time I think God, all my friends here in London are in finance and are "climbing the ladder" ,etc and ticking off all these boxes to reach the top. And here I am in an industry where how much you make is based on if people like you or if you are "in" this season. `And I sometimes hate it when we are at dinner and people are going around talking about what they do and for me it's like "I'm a model". UGH! I have a degree and have some skills that unfortunately a casting director doesn't give a shit about, because you just have to smile and walk like some show pony. I wish I knew stuff outside of fashion /art, then maybe I could say fuck this, I want to go into business but for now it's just trying to figure out what opportunity to take to get to what I feel is the "job" of my dreams. Maybe I am racing agaisnt time and feel like by such and such an age I should be doing x.
You said it perfectly. Everything. I'm not even 20 yet, but you just hit a nerve.
omo! I must say i can relate on what you're feeling. Darn! Trends and VOGUE, come on. Your a true artist then, for still pulling an outfit that looks cool on u.
I am in that exact spot. I can't say I know exactly how you feel. But I definitely feel like you're reading my mind..
Don't regret writing this because there is really something about strangers reading it and being reminded that others go through something similar. You'll feel a bit less alone.
Wooo Hooo
Your shoes just made me die right on the spot! XD
*follows*
I know how you feel, everyone goes through it in there life and sometime it hits pple sooner then later.
But things seem to work themselves out believe it or not, when you have support of friends and family. Even tho you dont know what you want to do in life no one really does.
even tho you not sure about the fashion industry maybe its time to look at a new direction. Its hard and scary for change. I know i picked up my life and moved to a new city alone to start fresh and its hard. but you make it through it and you learn.
You look amazing!!! Wow!!! Also, I hate to say it, but most people(myself) included feel like this from time to time.
I guess it really is a part of being in your 20's. I graduate with a degree in fashion in December and I have no idea what I am going to do. I work to retail jobs ( a shoe store and clothing store) and it is so bleh most of the time. I spend most of my time alone bored cause my boyfriend works a lot. I guess it's just what we all have to go through. And people with real style never need a magazine, a how to do article, or a bony ass model to tell them how to dress. You have great style.
love the shoes!!!
You look so cute!
http://streetchicphilly.com
how i see it is that we're ALL fucked up but no one wants to admit it. your post hits home. seriously sometimes i'm so sick of trying to be strong and act like i don't give a fuck. but the truth is i care; i care about people who shouldn't even matter. i give a fuck when other people don't. and what's wrong with that? nothing. it's who i am. and i can't be someone i'm not.
as for who you are, from what i can see, you ARE strong. being strong enough to admit that you're lost is not an easy thing to do. vulnerability can be a beautiful thing. putting yourself out there takes courage. 'what should you do with your life?' - DO YOU. you'll figure it out. seriously. you will. keep faith.
you know what's funny?
I was feeling the same way you are now. I love music and food and want to be a pastry chef and muscian but sometimes i feel the loom of uncertainty easing through my veins and it's hard to understand why i feel that way. But as you said it's apart of being in your 20s and being young. I think to a certain degree we aren't fully meant of knowing exactly what we want out of life because we have hit a transitional crossroads that could be fully determined when we have gotten a bit older and have accumulated more living than one who has lived such a short time you know? I don't think that we should even completely know what we want to do precisely yet but form a basic foundation, build from there and go on experimenting with things until we all find something that's just right for us. I wish you the best of luck and hope that one day you willl know in your heart what is meant for you to be. Great pics and a fantastic outfit you put together. If you aren't certain about anything else in life I am certain that you have one hell of a fashion sense and are very stylish and unique and tastefully original! =]
Brisce
you're not alone.
fantasitc outfit, you look great!
www.missmollyfashions.blogspot.com
I absolutely know how you feel! some days i wonder where im going or what im doing and that were all really just doing this for nothing, i admire your honesty! i love sharing my thoughts on my blog as well i don the same thing. btw i love your shoes and bag! awesome. i know how you feel about feeling empty i feel that way now about losing my ex bf ive been feeling like this and grieving him breaking up w.me since january. sad i know. you should try prayer.
love the hat and summery outfit! come follow me xoxo
ohh no I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Sometimes that happens to me but like u i keep myself occupied. Maybe u just need a vacation :) just get away from it all.
Aside from that you look great.
Take cares
Awesome outfit!
Same here! I'm 22 as well and just trying to find out who I am. It's def a difficult age bcuz u r dying to figure out who r u but can't. U r just navigating ur way through life but u don't know the destination just yet. But every1 keeps telling me it's suppose to be like this!
I first told my parents I wanted to go into fashion, but they objected right away. So I finally decided to find something else that I was interested in: Law. Although it's not my first choice, it gives me time to decide whether or not I should please others or please myself.
In your situation, you seem to be very fortunate to have parents that support every decision you make. Take advantage of that to discover what you really want to do. There is no rush. Everyone develops differently. Maybe it'll take you 5-6 shitty jobs to realize what you want, but so what? Only good things can come out of it.
So don't worry, it's good you feel this way. Eventually you'll find the path you'd been looking for. And when you do, you'll appreciate it even more.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you always look fabulous. That's a full-time job right there ;) Clearly you're doing something right.
Good luck with your endeavours!
Lianna
nice shoes ;)
Loge your pics! Great blog! :-)
wow. This is EXACTLY what I have been thinking and feeling for a while now. I live and work in fashion in NYC, and it has worn me down.
Its an ugly industry. living and breathing it everyday makes me hate it.
You know how ppl say that you should never be roomates with a good friend bc you'll get sick of her and end up hating eachother? Yea, same thing.
Thanks for being so candid. It makes me feel better to know that there are others out there!
I don't know you from a hole in the wall BUT, love ya to death for being real. Keep your head up young one, it will all fall into place. Believe you me I've been there...don't even get me started;)
This post hit so very close to home, so I thank you for posting and being so honest lady. I think a lot of us feel this way, I know I've been here at least 3 different times and I'm 27 now.
In my case though, I think it comes with not being able to drown out everyone elses bullsh*t and expectations of me. As strong and bitchy as I am, I haven't found the right words to say "back the f*ck off and let me enjoy my journey ALONE!" without everything thinking I'm crazy and in real need of their great (shitty, unwanted, uninsightful) advice. Am I even making sense at this point..? you know you've hit a nerve when i start rambling lol.
anyways, you're a strong, beautiful, independent woman. you'll find your way all in good time, in YOUR time, YOUR way and under YOUR conditions. Cynthia's comment i feel hit the nail.. "We are raised in a society that make us believe that we are suppose to follow a path and if we don't we are failing!" so true and it's such bullshit.
take care of you and be selfish!
x x x x liv
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." If you believe in destiny or fate, then everything happens for a reason and everything has already been planned for you. There's no need for worry. Everything you go through today made not make sense because it won't be clear until later into the future. I also believe that life will never give you anything that you cannot handle! Life prepares you for anything that it has to throw at you, even if it's a curve ball. You ARE strong Lily! and don't even think otherwise!
I felt so alike a month ago. I know everyones story is a different one, but when I read this post, the tears almost started to fall again. Only a month ago, I was so insecure (almost frightened) about my future. I'm so terryfied that i'll end my life with an unsatiated feeling. The need for doing it differently is so big. Unfortunately, this is hardly possible here in the Netherlands (even though loooots of people think differently about our little country)
I went to Sweden this summer, for a holiday. This country felt so much like home! I'm back in Holland now, but it feels like I'm having homesickness. This trip caused an emotional breakdown. I've never cried that much. I've never longed for something that much. I've never had so many ideas, nor having so many inspiration for life.
Not knowing what you want is terrible, but knowing what you need to have, is as terrible as that.
I feel even worse than a month ago. Take care. I feel for you girl.
Lil~
You're the only blogger friend I regularly follow and actually respond to...Not quite sure if it's the Asian thing we have in common or that I see so much strength in you at such a young age...through your personal manuscripts as well as your interpretation of your innate style...You are fearless and extremely wise with INSANE potential for whatever you decide to endeavor...there's also this quiet humility that resonates through your words which is probably the #1 reason why I'm such a fan :D Keep doing your thing girl- seems everyone is rooting for you!
Lots of love xxoo-
Julie @hautekhuuture
Forgive it all - yourself, the world, everything. You are Lily Nguyen. And you are human. Its okay to feel uncertainty. Its okay to wake up one day and just panic because you don't know whats going to happen next. Its like driving in the dead of night, you only see that 3 or 4 feet or light ahead of you, but you keep going because somehow, maybe out of faith, whatever you want to call it, you just know that it will continue. If you don't get what Im trying to convey well you've seen or read eat, pray, love right?
Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.
" I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.
I just want you to know that before your blog, I used to be so scared of being myself. I was terrified of startling people. I cared too much. After your blog, I can safely say not a fuck was given that day, or the many after that.
xo Melanie
Fantastic legs. Fantastic.
The Black Queen
Great Fray song. And I can relate to the whole "thinking outloud to strangers" type of comfort, even though I don't really do much of that on my current blog. Feeling lost is normal as unpleasant as it feels, but I hope you find your way soon. It takes time (sometimes more than we'd like) but eventually you'll find the path that you want to follow and well, everything happens for a reason. Sorry to quote a cliche haha but it's true. Lovely photos btw, I love how the A. Wang boot give the outfit a tough-chic edge whereas the rest makes you look like you should be in the Hamptons or something haha.
know that you are definitely not the only one who feels this way, and i love that you're strong enough to send your thoughts out to the world!! just be secure in who you are and the rest will fall in to place :)
& about your outfit - love it, as usual. dont give up on fashion yet!
xo Chelle
discoveringelegance.com
totally on the same boat with you here. i'm 21 and completely lost at where i'm supposed to be. Right after high school i thought i knew where and what to do. cue fashion school in dt vancouver. a year in, and i quit, simply because i felt a huge disconnect. its not me. Now here i am paying off the loans that one year gave me, and still figuring out what to do.
Love the Fray, and totally love you and your blog. I love that you keep it real no matter what. this is your blog, and your thoughts, and thats what keeps readers coming back. Not because its some camp fashion site, but because its a journey with your style, thoughts and emotions! xxxo!
I FEEL THE SAME WAY EVERY OTHER DAY... BEING A FASHION STYLIST IT'S SO TOUGH TO STAY TRUE TO YOUR STYLE AND NOT FALL VICTIM TO THE BULL SHIT THAT COMES WITH THIS INDUSTRY. I REALLY LIKE YOUR BLOG AND THINK YOU HAVE GREAT STYLE!!!! I THINK YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER A CAREER I FASHION... THIS INDUSTRY NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
MIA
http://www.iconicstylingfashionista.blogspot.com
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