FREE PEOPLE CARDIGAN & VEST, NSF PANTS, DV BY DOLCE VITA SHOES
With pen in hand or a keyboard within reach, stringing words together so that they form sentences, and for those sentences to become paragraphs is still an awe that leaves me breathless. I add each period with a great sense of accomplishment and calm, as it brings me one step closer to a healthy mind.
Changing subjects: dating. I've always been very defensive of myself. A proven natural instinct, but something tells me otherwise. It's the pre-first-date-butterflies. The type that seems to turn your stomach upside down, soak your palms with a ridiculous amount of sweat and make your heart beat ten times faster than normal. Maybe the jitters are my natural defense mechanism. Maybe it's fear of being put in a vulnerable situation. Maybe the outcome of the "first date" scares me. Maybe I contemplate too much on what should happen and what I should say and do during the date. In truth, it's all of the above. The whole thing scares me. Period.
I'm often asked what type of guy I like. Two words: Andy Samberg. My soul mate, KZ, knows exactly what I'm talking about.
3.1 PHILLIP LIM CARDIGAN, T BY ALEXANDER WANG TANK TOP, TALULA LACE BRA, LEVI'S JEANS, WILFRED BELT, YSL SHOES, URBAN OUTFITTERS HAT, MICHAEL KORS WATCH, HERMES & CC SKYE BRACELETS
Dear Troubled Self,Some things never change while others refuse to stay the same.
I can feel it in the way that you now walk down the street you are poised and ready to break into a sprint in the direction that is less crowded by these constant demands. Though your eyes are cast down in seeming humility and the willingness to please, your resolve is set straight and you have never been so full of spirit. It breaks you down that you are forced to stay within yourself when the very last thing you wish to do is feel bound to the pain that plagues you. It tears you apart that you are being forced to stay stagnant and silent. I understand and it hurts me too. I see your pulse lacking the life that drives you, but your posture has never failed before so dare not let your spine slack and your feet drag now. Refuse that instinct inside you that is yearning to cut yourself from those that love you and struggle through the haze of melancholy. Let those tears you so stubbornly ebb spill so that you may purge the polluted edges of your soul and once again see that you are always wild and free.
Your Inner Peace
BEYOND VINTAGE TOP, H&M PANTS, WILFRED BELT, BRIAN ATWOOD SHOES
T.BABATON CAPE, BB DAKOTA DRESS COURTESY OF CHICSHOP.CA*, FREE PEOPLE LACE SLIP DRESS, FRYE SHOES
The word "bitch" no longer phases me. In fact, I use it to describe myself all the time. I am a bitch. I'm blunt, opinionated and outspoken. I never apologize for it because it means I have the courage and strength to be exactly as I am rather than being anyone else's idea of who they think I "should" be.
I don't believe in being intentionally rude or being mean for the sake of being mean, but I do believe in being real and the prevalence of truth. It's impossible to please everyone so you might as well say what you mean and mean what you say and just tell it like it is. I do this all the time and if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
On a different note, why some people feel so strongly about what I wear is beyond my comprehension. Might I suggest looking into a mirror before critiquing my choice of clothing? Or better yet, stop visiting my blog all together? I find it absolutely hilarious those who claim to hate me still visit me on daily basis. Yep, I see you (how's the weather in Calgary BTW?). I can change my clothes, but you'll always be ugly.
*Giveaway ends tomorrow at 11:59pm PST.
MOTEL DRESS C/O CHICSHOP.CA, SEE BY CHLOE SHOES
I'm pleased to present you with another amazing giveaway courtesy of Justyna and Jeremy of chicshop.ca. What's up for grabs? A $100 gift certificate. Open worldwide, to enter, if you haven't already, "Like" and follow chicshop.ca and myself on Face-book and Twit-ter, and comment on this post stating your favorite piece from their website. Be sure to include your name and email address as well. The winner will be contacted next Sunday, January 23rd. Get it? Got it? Good.
AMERICAN APPAREL RAGLAN PULLOVER, T BY ALEXANDER WANG TANK TOP, ASOS JEANS, H&M SOCKS, PRADA SHOES, CLUB MONACO HAT
I want to share another passage with you all from Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. I can't recommend this book enough. He speaks so much truth it's ridiculous.
"In loving ourselves, we love the world. For just as fire, rock, and water are all made up of molecules, everything, including you and me, is connected by a small piece of the beginning.
Yet, how do we love ourselves? It is as difficult at times as seeing the back of your head. It can be as elusive as it is necessary. I have tried and tripped many times. And I can only say that loving yourself is like feeding a clear bird that no one else can see. You must be still and offer your palmful of secrets like delicate seed. As she eats your secrets, no longer secret, she glows and you lighten, and her voice, which only you can hear, is your voice bereft of plans. And the light through her body will bathe you till you wonder why the gems in your palm were ever fisted. Others will think you crazed to wait on something no one sees. But the clear bird only wants to feed and fly and sing. She only wants light in her belly. And once in a great while, if someone loves you enough, they might see her rise from the nest beneath your fear.
In this way, I've learned that loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other. It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world—our own self-worth.
All the great moments of conception—the birth of mountains, of trees, of fish, of prophets, and the truth of relationships that last—all begin where no one can see, and it is our job not to extinguish what is so beautifully begun. For once full of light, everything is safely on its way—not pain-free, but unencumbered—and the air beneath your wings is the same air that trills in my throat, and the empty benches in snow are as much as part of us as the empty figures who slouch on them in spring.
When we believe in what no one else can see, we find we are each other. And all moments of living, no matter how difficult, come back into some central point where self and world are one, where light pours in and out at once. And once there, I realize—make real before me—that this moment, whatever it might be, is a fine moment to live and a fine moment to die." — January 25, Loving Yourself, p. 29
I will learn to love myself. Unconditionally. Totally. Constantly. Restlessly. All in due time, even if it kills me. I'll keep marchin' on. Side note: Ryan Tedder gives me a lady boner. I just thought I'd put that out there.
SOURCE: FASHION GONE ROGUE
Less than a month until I leave for Montego Bay, Jamaica. Nine new bikinis for seven days of shine overdoing it? I think not.
H&M MOTORCYCLE JACKET & MAXI SKIRT, FREE PEOPLE HOODIE, T BY ALEXANDER WANG TANK TOP, URBAN OUTFITTERS HAT, N.D.C. MADE BY HAND SHOES
My exact thoughts today.
P.S. Congratulations to Sharon of elisharon for winning the Charlie & Lee promo code giveaway! As for the rest of you, don't fret, my loves. I have another giveaway coming up next week.
PIKO 1988 SHEARLING DRAPE JACKET, WILFRED LONG SLEEVE, HELMUT LANG TANK TOP, AMERICAN APPAREL LEGGINGS, ALEXANDER WANG SHOES, GUCCI BAG, MICHAEL KORS WATCH, CC SKYE BRACELETS
I have a compulsive habit of deleting old blog entries (I deleted 10 just the other day). I also have a habit of throwing everything out. I've been told I'm the complete opposite of a hoarder. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.
What I wore to dinner with my dear friend Kat. Random fact: Kat was the first friend I made upon moving to Vancouver in 2007.
H&M FAUX FUR COAT, FACTORY BY ERIK HART DRESS C/O CHARLIE & LEE, CC SKYE EARRINGS
I'm teaming up with Josh and Kleah of Charlie & Lee again. This time they're kind enough to offer one of my readers a chance to receive a promotion code worth $100. Open worldwide, "Like" Charlie & Lee and myself on Face-book and leave a comment below with your email address, your favorite piece from their recent lookbook and a brief description of where'd you wear it to. I'll choose a winner next Sunday, January 9th. Good luck, everyone!
FREE PEOPLE SEQUIN SLIP & DRESS, BRIAN ATWOOD SHOES, LOUIS VUITTON CLUTCH
What started out as a calm night of debauchery, New Year's Eve ended with my keys and fob going missing, and being locked out of my apartment until 4am. 2011 is looking promising.
Giveaway post tomorrow, stay tuned.
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